Ways to overcome black and white thinking

Black and white thinking is something we all do.

I have found myself doing this if I feel a bit stressed and overwhelmed. A thought such as ‘I am never going to be able to do this’ – because in that moment the task might seem difficult, and my frustration levels are increasing.

Of course, this statement is not true… I will find a way to do it. I have learned ways to catch myself on when these thinking patterns occur and can reframe them into a more helpful thought (eventually).

However, black and white thinking can become problematic if it is used too much and can really impact on your quality of life.

What is Black and White thinking?

In psychological terms, these thought patterns are referred to as cognitive distortions. Basically, this means thoughts that are not true or certainly misrepresent the truth, they’re habitual errors in thinking. If you are experiencing black and white thinking, the way you interpret events is usually with a negative bias.

These thoughts usually have words such as always, never, nobody, all…

Examples of black and white thinking

“I always mess up”
“Nobody likes me”
“I never feel happy”
“I’m a terrible person”
“Life is always difficult”

Too much of this type of thinking is going to affect how you feel about yourself because the tendency is to overemphasize negative qualities. It can lead to self-doubt, dwindling confidence and generally being too harsh with yourself.

The more you say them in your head, the more you start to look for evidence to support these thoughts in certain situations, whilst ignoring other information that will prove these beliefs to be false and before you know it, it becomes your truth, and you feel pretty shitty!

You can change

Good news!

It’s not permanent. You can train your mind to think differently, in shades of grey rather than in black and white. However, to do this, it is important to notice when you are thinking in absolutes so you can reframe it.

Below are ways to help you move away from black and white thinking.

Evidence

Take the first thought pattern on the list ‘I always mess up’.

Ask yourself some additional questions such as … Has there ever been a time when you didn’t? Look for the simple things that are evidence that you succeed and that you don’t always mess up. For example did you mess up the last meal you made? Did you mess up the last time you drove to the supermarket?

I’m a great fan of journaling and in these instances writing stuff down in a notebook can really help to reframe those negative thoughts.

Write down times in the last 24 hours when you have been productive and got something done.

Balance

Thoughts can shift from moment to moment. Things are unlikely to be one thing or another, good or bad, right or wrong. The balance might be found somewhere in the middle. Just like the weather some days can be sunny, cloudy, windy and sometimes stormy and these can all happen in one day, your thoughts similarly change, move and pass by.

When you balance thoughts out you become aware that you can be successful and make mistakes, be kind and sometimes grumpy. There is a space between not just either or.

Mindfulness

Being mindful is about noticing and becoming aware of your thoughts, body sensations and emotions. If you are paying attention to your thoughts however, it is important not to attach a judgement to it as with black and white thinking that judgement tends to be negative.

List of possibilities

Imagine a situation when you are going to meet a friend for coffee, and they cancel on you last minute with very little explanation. Your automatic thoughts might be that they don’t like you or you have done something to upset them but what other possibilities are there in this situation?

• Your friend is unwell
• Your friend has accidentally double booked themselves
• Your friend has to deal with a family situation
• Your friend has no money and doesn’t want to say

There are lots of different possibilities for the situation and jumping to conclusions will lead to negativity.

What would you say to a friend?

The chances are you are far harsher on yourself than you would be with a friend. You are probably less forgiving to yourself and have a tendency to berate and tell yourself off for your thoughts, how you feel and what you did.

Ask yourself this about your thinking…

Is it helpful?   Is it true?   Is it kind?

If you are unable to say yes to all 3 then a thinking reframe is needed.

Black and white thinking might be something you do automatically and habitually. Becoming aware of it, is the first step towards finding the shades of grey.

There is not a magic wand for making any changes and so with any self-improvement, whether physical or mindset, anticipate it takes practice, patience, trials, and errors to master a healthier way of being.