How to stop being so hard on yourself

5 Tips that will help you

Are you your own worst critic or your greatest cheerleader?

My guess is, because you are reading this, you are probably a bit harsh on yourself from time to time. Maybe you also put a lot of pressure on yourself to get things right, maybe other people put too much pressure on you as well.

Sometimes putting self-care in place and doing more things for you can lead to feeling more stressed out and harassed because it just adds another thing to your ‘to do’ list.

Usually when people are hard on themselves there is a nagging voice in their head which is full of rules and expectations. All the things you ‘have to’, ‘should’ or ‘must’ do. Do you relate?

Who said you have to do it? Who said you should?

What would it be like if you could choose not to follow those rules anymore?

Here are some ways in which you can achieve it:

Tip 1 – Be satisfied with small steps

All steps matter, no matter how small they are. It will take you closer to where you want to be.

Instead of thinking about the potential enormity of the end goal, focus on the little things you can do each day. Even if the starting point is to just slow down and become more aware of your thoughts and feelings – it’s a start!

Tip 2 – Loosen the grip on perfectionism

If you find yourself with a massive list of things to do (not to mention a list about the list) you probably have a tendency to be a bit of a perfectionist, right? There is a strong possibility that the need to get things right, and to a very high standard, is about feeling a little insecure. Maybe worrying what other people will think, wanting to keep them happy.

Perfectionism means you can work hard and to a high standard, which is great – sometimes! All too often though it leads to exhaustion and burnout.

Tip3 – Set Limits

If you’re giving yourself too much to do as well as having to do lots for others in your life, you can help yourself by setting limits. I know, this can be challenging because it may mean saying ‘no’ to some things or after agreeing to something changing your mind. See next tip…

Tip 4 – it’s ok to change your mind

It really is! You might have agreed to do something because at the time it seemed ok to do so. Or you my have said ‘yes’ because it’s so automatic it came out of your mouth before you considered ‘no’ was a possibility. You have choices and if you have now decided that the original plan is not convenient or doesn’t work for you that is ok.

Tip 5 –  Be kind to yourself in the discomfort.

You might really like doing things and taking care of others, that’s just how you roll and that’s ok unless it has a negative impact on you. As well as taking care of others, it is important for you to take care of your own needs too. However, I know too well that making changes to do less, change your mind, say no, set limits and boundaries is new and is going to be uncomfortable at first. After all, being nice and pleasing others is what has made others like you and has avoided conflict and decision making.

Hold on tight. Stay with it, the discomfort will pass and soon it will become much easier to do.

Having self acceptance that you don’t’ have to be perfect, you don’t have to keep everyone happy and it’s ok to do things for you is going to take a little time to get used to. Remember to start small and take it slowly and before you know it, you will learn to be kinder on yourself and live a more fulfilling life.