Being Kind to Yourself in a Busy World

How often are you kind to yourself?

Do you feel like you must do it all whilst still keeping it all together?

Creating a fulfilling career, maintaining a home, looking after a family to name but a few of the life tasks you juggle.

Exhausting isn’t it?

On the surface it might appear that you are gliding through life like a swan but underneath the  surface there is frantic paddling going on just to get you to the edge (or through the day).

The trouble is, the more that people think you are coping just fine, the more they might demand of  you in all aspects of your life. And you know where that is going to lead don’t you? Stress, exhaustion, or feeling like a failure because you can’t keep all those plates spinning.

Let’s get real. Striving for that perfectly balanced life that keeps everyone else happy and you  remaining well-balanced and rational is pretty hard to achieve, let alone maintain. It just leads to  stress, anxiety and a general feeling of inadequacy.

What might help?

I’m not talking here about a hot bath and candles, although this might also help some. If you are not being kind in what you are saying to yourself before you get in the bath, I’m not convinced you are
going to start when you get in!

So, let’s start with some things to think about that might help you to get that balance back, allow you to be kinder to yourself and take care of you instead of always putting the demands of others first.

Tip 1 – A common problem vs isolation

You are not alone

Most people, if not everyone, experience pressure at some point in their life. You are not the only
person who feels like this. Sure, some people are more prone to putting other people’s needs before
their own than others, but everyone has hard times because, lets face it, life is hard.

Knowing that finding life difficult, making mistakes and feelings of personal inadequacy are all part of
shared human experience and not something that happens to you alone can lead to less feelings of
isolation and give comfort.

Tip 2 – Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment

Give yourself a break

Consideration and concern for yourself (often referred to as self-compassion), entails being warm
and understanding toward yourself when you suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring
your pain or beating yourself up with the big stick of self-criticism.

When you allow yourself a little self-compassion (because you are good at being kind and
compassionate to everyone else) you can recognise that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing
life’s difficulties is inevitable. People who do this well tend to be gentle with themselves when
confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry at themselves when life falls short of
set ideals.

Tip 3 – Mindfulness vs. Over-identification

Awareness leads to balance

If you take a balanced approach to your negative emotions, so they are neither suppressed nor
exaggerated, they are seen for what they are in the moment, you are being mindful.

Putting a situation into perspective comes from being able to observe your negative thoughts and
unpleasant emotions and see them as they are rather than trying to suppress or deny them.

At the same time, learning to be more mindful means that you will not be over identifying with
thoughts and feelings, so that you don’t get caught up in a negative thinking loop and swept away by
negative reactivity.

Awareness of your thinking and feelings might be the first small step to finding balance because
once you are aware you can do something differently.

Want a little help with mindfulness?