Beating the Winter Blues

A psychological approach to self-care

I’m in two minds about the start of the year. A part of me is taking the line of a fresh start to things with a level of enthusiasm that I didn’t have in December, and the other part of me wants to hibernate for the rest of the winter and do nothing.

Let’s face it, with the festive celebrations over, the gloomy weather and the long, dark days it can take a bit of effort to get going and you may find yourself a bit out of sorts.

Now could be a good time to take a look at what you need in order to feel more balanced, steady and content.

I don’t often write about theory but a little bit of the stuff around how and why humans do the things they do can be really useful.

What the experts say…

To become a psychotherapist I studied the work of Eric Berne, the father of Transactional Analysis (TA). He wrote many useful things and amongst his TA concepts, he came up with a great bit of theory on what us humans need to feel fulfilled. He called these our Human Hungers.

There is the obvious physical stuff like shelter, food and sex and in addition to this, is our psychological needs and these are as important as the physical ones. These needs include the need for structure, recognition, and stimulation.

I promise I am not going to go all psychobabble on you, so I am going to break down each of these and see how it can help you identify where there might be gaps in your psychological needs and what you can do to fulfil them.

Structure

I love having time off over Christmas, doing things at a different pace, having nowhere to be at any particular time, however, I found myself continually asking ‘What day is it?’ As lovely as the break from routine was, by the end of the week I was ready to go back to ‘normal’ life, back to work, see clients and get some routine back into my week. This is not because I am a super organised workaholic, it is because structure is an important psychological need.

If you have a 9-5 working day where you set off to your place of work or have children to drop off and pick up at certain times, structure might be easy for you. However, over more recent times, with the increase of home working or in my case working in my own business, this can be so much trickier to navigate and it takes a whole lot of self-motivation to get going.

Self-motivation

Running my own business requires me to create my own structure across a week/day. If you are self-employed, you will get where I am coming from. My days working with clients or running groups are easy – appointments are in the diary, and I know where I need to be and when.

The days that challenge me are the ones without a particular thing in the diary, but I know I still have things to do, such as writing blogs (this one did take a while), creating emails for my list, accounts, content for social media etc. If I don’t put time aside in my diary or create a deadline for it, I find myself faffing!

When no-one is telling you what must be done it is easy to get distracted and procrastinate. So, finding a way to structure you day/week in a way that works for you is important.

How does structure in your week show up for you? Rigid? Balanced? Loose?

Recognition

We all need a bit of attention and acknowledgement, right?

It’s not a matter of pride, selfishness or immaturity, it was one of Bernes’ other identified psychological needs and to be seen, heard, and acknowledged is an important part of your wellbeing.

If you think about it, from the earliest moment of life, a baby will crave affection and attention from those around them. When you look into the face of a baby and coo, they will relish in the attentiveness.

Acknowledgment can take the form of a simple nod as you pass your neighbour in the street to receiving compliments or praise from another person, for being who you are and not just what you do.

It’s an inside job

As much as it is important to be recognised by others, it is equally as important to be able to look inwards too. For self-esteem to blossom there is a need to recognise yourself as an important, valuable and capable person. When you are able to recognise your virtue and strengths you allow more happiness into your life.

Stimulation

Who likes being bored? I know I hate it, in fact I’m pretty sure most people do.

Humans need things that stimulate them, to keep us focused and motivated otherwise it can lead to feeling wary, jaded, frustrated or fed up.

Of course, you don’t want to be over stimulated as that will lead to overwhelm but somewhere in between there is a balance. Do you have it?

Using the concepts of structure, recognition and stimulation can help you identify easily what you might need to take better care of yourself and help you understand why you are feeling a bit off kilter right now.

Does your life have enough routine and structure to keep you feeling on track?

Are you spending enough time with people who light you up and make you feel good? Friends and family who are interested in you and not just wanting to talk about themselves.

Are you doing enough stuff that interests you (other than endlessly scrolling through your phone)?

Fulfilling these psychological hungers will get you on track to feeling more balanced.