New Year – Be Bold, Be You!

You don’t need to change to please other people

I’m sick of hearing new year, new you stuff. It’s like there is something wrong with you and you need to change to be acceptable to who? You? others? The world?
What’s wrong with being you? You are lovely just the way you are.
It’s like a January punishment, a month to give up things you like, start doing things you don’t enjoy and become someone else all in a month which, to be fair, is a bit dull at the best of times.
Don’t get me wrong, we could all do with a few tweaks here and there, especially if we have gotten ourselves in to some unhelpful habits and I’m all for personal development but in a way that helps you to thrive rather than suffer.
If you have a tendency to live life wanting to keep other people happy, it can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, perfectionism and overwhelm.
My suggestion this January is this… instead of becoming a version of yourself that you think you should be, embrace who you are and be more you!

So, here are my 5 top tips on being you:

1. You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do.

   Easy right… just say ‘no’. So why do you find this so hard?
   If you have always put other people’s needs before your own then you probably don’t want to say NO because you want to be ‘nice’.
   Maybe you find yourself agreeing to something automatically before you have even had time to consider if you want to do it or not and in reality, you don’t want to do it at all. Whether it’s agreeing to meet up with someone, doing a ‘favour’ for someone else or simply agreeing with a friend’s point of view saying ‘yes’ to other people when you mean no is denying your own needs.
   So how do you do it?
   Slow down/Delay/Pause
   Phrases such as ‘let me get back to you’ give you time to think about whether you really want to do it or not rather than going into autopilot and immediately saying ‘yes’.

2. You don’t have to keep everyone happy

   I am going to make a bold, simple claim here that might seem extreme. It might go against your need to be nice to everyone… Ready?
   You are not responsible for other people’s feelings!
   If someone is upset, it is not your fault, if they are angry it is not because you did something wrong. Other people’s feelings are not your fault and it is not your responsibility to fix them.
   If you choose to do something for you and your friend/partner/colleague doesn’t like it, or they are upset, those emotions are not something you are responsible for.

3. You don’t need other people’s approval to feel good about yourself

   Do you find yourself agreeing with people and keeping your opinions to yourself? Or maybe engaging in a conversation that is really boring when all you want to do is leave?

   Doing things that cause you discomfort or that are not really in line with what you want means you end up neglecting your own needs in order to gain the approval of others.

4. You don’t need to neglect your own needs

   Does doing what you want to do make you feel selfish? Well, don’t!

   We all have needs, wants and desires, even you. It is part of being human. Expressing what you need and doing things for YOU is important. In fact, it can actually strengthen relationships. People become connected to who you are, what you like and they’ll respect you more for knowing your boundaries.

   Ask yourself
   – What do I want?
   – What don’t I want in this situation?
   – What feels good to me?

5. Remember you are good enough being you

   It’s true.

   You don’t need to mould yourself, adapt and become something that you think other people want you to be to get on in life.

   Being clear about what you like and don’t like, what is acceptable to you and what is not will help you to build your self-esteem, create healthy boundaries and allow you to live your life to the fullest.

So this new year please yourself not everyone else and instead of creating a new you, be the best version of who you already are!