Starting therapy

Bursting the myths about therapy

The number of times I have come across this, and I find it so frustrating.

It’s based on the belief that if you go to therapy, you need fixing or something is ‘wrong’ and that’s really not how it works. If the perception is that going to therapy is a punishment for being weak or shameful or means you have failed somehow, I get why you might not want to go.

What therapy really is…

Therapy is about self-discovery and self-improvement not fixing because, quite frankly, you are not broken. Not to mention, if you tell someone you are seeing a therapist, and they look at you like you have suddenly gone crazy because they had ‘no idea’ you were ill – you’re not!

So let me tell you my experience of why people come to therapy and what they get out of it. I’ll start with my journey.

My journey into therapy

I started therapy for the first time when I was training to be a psychotherapist. It’s a requirement of my training to do so and at the time I recall thinking I was ‘fine’ and didn’t really need therapy (see what I mean?).

That was over 12 years ago and it was the best thing I have ever done, certainly my best form of self-care and I’ve been dipping in and out ever since.

I learned through therapy to become more self-aware, to be able to slow down and to regulate my emotions and responses. I developed a better understanding of my thoughts (helpful and unhelpful), and how to change things that were holding me back. I learned how my behaviour impacted on both me and other people and how I can change situations by how I think and do things.

It’s because it has been such a positive experience for me that I am passionate about making therapy an accessible, valuable way of taking care of you, rather than something to fear or feel shameful about.

It’s very rare that people question taking care of themselves physically. From going to the doctor for physical pain to taking care of appearance through beauty (nails, hair, eyelashes) or grooming. These are acceptable forms of self-care. Mindset and how you feel on the inside is also self care and will enhance your quality of life in the same way as the outside stuff.

Why do people come to see me for therapy?

People come to see me for therapy for many different reasons. So, what does a person’s journey into therapy look like? Let me share it with you…

Something feels wrong but you’re not sure what it is

Of course, everybody’s life is different but imagine this…

On the surface everything seems ok. You have a nice house, family, good job but something isn’t quite right, and you can’t work out what it is.

There is no reason to feel the way you feel but you just can’t shake it off.

You are feeling a bit unhappy with life, dissatisfied or maybe a bit stuck and you still can’t work out why. Perhaps you are disappointed by something, feeling low, having trouble sleeping or noticing negative thinking.

Often at this stage, people go it alone and try and work it out by themselves.

Unhelpful strategies

No-one likes unpleasant thoughts and feelings. It’s unsettling and there are many strategies you might try out to get rid of them. This might be distracting yourself with busyness, taking care of other people’s needs, drinking too much, overspending or giving yourself a hard time. Although more often than not, these strategies lead to feeling worse instead of better.

Do you recognise any of these strategies below?

Self-blame

You might be blaming yourself for feeling down and that you need to ‘pull yourself together’, ‘sort yourself out’, or question ‘what is wrong with me?’ You might be giving yourself a really hard time – bullying yourself into feeling better by calling yourself names or saying things such as ‘I’m useless’.

Push away

Suppressing unwanted thoughts and feelings is a way of getting rid of them. Forcefully pushing them out of your mind or pushing feelings deep down inside. The problem with this is that it doesn’t make
them go away, they just build up and pop up unexpectedly.

Avoidance

There are many ways to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Avoiding people, places or situations can be a common way to try and control those thoughts and feelings you don’t want. For example, cancelling a social event to avoid feeling anxious or not going for your dream job because you think you won’t’ be able to do an interview.

Distraction

This is a good old favourite of mine (never really works in the long term). Distractions such as phones, shopping, drinking, over working. The list goes on and can lead to creating more problems than it resolves.

How can therapy help?

The reality is life is hard. There are days that feel good, some that you are just about getting though and some that are one big struggle. Talking with a therapist can help you to make sense of the things running through your head. I help people to unhook themselves from difficult thoughts and feelings.
Together we look at what matters to you, strengths, and qualities, how you think about yourself, others and the world and what gets in the way of you living the life you want.

Why not just talk to friends or family?

In relationships with friends or family the focus is on both parties, otherwise it would feel lopsided and imbalanced. However, in therapy the focus is solely on you. It is your space to get things off your chest and therapy provides room for self-exploration in a way you may not have experienced before.

Add to this the clinical training and years of experience, you’ll find working with a therapist means they can keep a watchful eye on unhealthy habits or coping strategies.

In therapy I allow my clients the freedom to express what is going on for them without judgement, which can feel liberating, it helps you to gain an insight into yourself and see things from an alternative perspective, in a way that promotes lasting change.

So, therapy doesn’t have to be something you do because you are failing in some way. I would like to reframe it to you that it is something you can do to help you succeed in getting the life you want.

Are you feeling a bit out of sorts but not sure why or how to feel better?

If you are finding things a bit of a struggle at the moment, you might have thought about talking to someone other than your friends and family and starting therapy. This is a big decision if you have never tried therapy before and it is easy to talk yourself out of giving it a go because you have no idea what to expect.
Some people think that therapy is only for people who have mental health problems or are depressed. Maybe your not depressed but…

What actually happens at the first therapy session? I’ll tell you.

So, to help you feel more at ease, I’ve written this blog to explain how our first session will work and what will happen. From the practicalities of where it will be, to things we might talk about. When we meet, any other questions you might have, we can talk about during the session.

What happens when I first arrive for my therapy session?

Let’s start with some practical things. I do my face-to-face therapy from my centre, Blend based in Sale. The space is lovely, calm and inviting and I created all the rooms to give you a feeling of being welcome and comfortable from the moment you arrive.
When you arrive at the centre, I will be there to meet you and show you to the room where we will be working. You can bring a drink with you, or I always offer a glass of water before we begin.

What is covered in the first therapy session?

The first session is about getting to know each other. We have not met before and like any other encounter with someone new, it can be a little anxiety provoking (for both of us) and it takes a little time to settle.
A thought I used to have about therapy before I had ever experienced it, was the image of someone sitting with a stern look on their face, with a clipboard, working their way through a whole load of questions and analysing me as they went – I imagined it to be intimidating and scary. It wasn’t like this, by the way! But this might be your image too.
During our first session, is probably the only session I write things down. I find that it gets in the way of communication to be writing as you speak – I prefer to be listening to you and giving you my full attention. However, there are a few things I write which are your personal details, where you live, how to contact you and a brief bit of relevant medical history.
Once I have your personal information, it is all about getting to know you better. To understand what has prompted you to come for therapy now, problems you might be experiencing and how you would like things to change. This can be a huge subject and you might not fully know what it is you are looking for. That’s perfectly normal. Our first session is merely a place to start, get some things off your chest and we can take it from there.
You might find that you lose your train of thought and can’t think of what to say or you might find that all your thoughts come tumbling out. You might cry and feel upset but you might not. You may settle really quickly and feel comfortable sharing or it may take you a little time. All of these are normal and as your therapist, I am here to support you, listen and help you see a way forward. I’m not going to judge you, criticise you or try to ‘fix’ you.

What next?

So, knowing a little of what will happen can ease any anxiety you might have about taking the first step to reaching out for help. Remember, you only ever do the first session once and after that, you will know who I am, you will be familiar with the building and the room and you will have some knowledge about how we are going to work together.
The next step is to contact me to arrange your first session. You can do this my dropping me an email at carol@blendcentre.co.uk.

You’re in Therapy…what’s wrong with you?